Don't Let Me Be Your Only Regret
by missEris
Summary: Danny and Lindsay have a child but they're not together. Lindsay's engagement party brings with it an opportunity to face up to the truth. D/L oneshot.


She was captivating. There was no other word in his vocabulary to describe her at that moment. He knew he was staring but he couldn't help it, the red dress she was wearing hugged every curve, exposing only a minimal amount of flesh but the cut and flow of the sheer material forced him to remember what lay beneath.

His eyes met and locked with hers, a small smile gracing her lips. He didn't smile back, he couldn't. He watched as her expression grew serious, seeing the movement of her throat as she swallowed nervously. A connection, devoid of words, that's what this was. He could see she felt it as much as he did.

"You alright?"

Danny's head snapped back towards Flack who was standing next to him at the bar.

"Yeah, sure," he replied as he reached over to grab his beer.

"It's only natural tonight will be a little weird," Flack said, slapping his friend on the back.

"Its fine," Danny replied, taking a swig from the bottle.

"No-one's gonna blame you if you don't hang around ya know. In fact, I happen to know that Holly would be happy to get you to herself for a while."

"Why? What's she been sayin?" Danny asked, giving Don a sharp look.

"Nothin' man," Don protested quickly, "only that you've both been working a lot and you've pulled some doubles while she's been working nights at the hospital."

"Right," Danny said, draining his beer and gesturing to the guy behind the bar that he wanted another.

"Take it easy there Danno," Flack said, "this aint no race."

"I'm gonna go get some air," Danny said suddenly, grabbing the cool bottle that was placed in front of him.

"You want me to come with?"

"Nah man," Danny replied, "I won't be long."

Don Flack watched his best friend walk away with a worried expression on his face.

88888

Danny trawled the back rooms of the hotel, looking for an empty room. He knew if he'd made his way outside then Flack would have found him after a few minutes, or worse he would have sent Holly to find him. All Danny needed was some time on his own to collect his thoughts before heading back to the party and plastering a happy smile on his face.

He'd have happily settled for a closet but what he'd actually found seemed to be some sort of cosy reception room with overstuffed chairs and low tables dotted around, reminding him somewhat of an old fashioned gaming room where men would retire for a smoke and a game of cards while their women chatted about latest New York fashions. He let out a chuckle as he tried to picture Lindsay Monroe settling for that, shaking his head as he visualised her insisting on playing cards with the men. That was his Montana.

He sat down heavily on one of the chairs and dropped his face to his hands. That was the problem, she wasn't his anymore, hadn't been for a long time. The thing was though, he'd allowed himself to pretend she was, that David was nothing but a temporary addition to her life and that eventually he'd been gone and it would be just the three of them again.

"Danny?"

His eyes shot open at the sound of her voice, his gaze locking with hers as she stood in the doorway of his bolt hole.

"Hey," he greeted, with a small smile.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Sure," he replied, getting to his feet and wiping his palms nervously on his trousers, "I just needed a minute, too many people ya know?" he added, his hands gesturing in front of him.

"Was Catie okay with your mom?" she asked as she stepped closer to him.

He laughed. "She was fine, had her eating out the palm of her hand."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Danny sighed. "It's just a little weird."

"I know," she said, nodding in understanding.

"You do?" he asked, frowning.

Lindsay reached out and ran her hand down his forearm until she reached his hand, then tangled their fingers together in a gesture that was so damn familiar it made his heart ache. He stared at their clasped hands, watching as her thumb rubbed lightly against his flesh, causing a tingle of warmth to spark inside of him. He felt her tug at his hand, pulling his arm at the same time as she stepped into him, resulting in his arm hanging loosely around her waist as they stood flush against each other.

He blinked as his eyes focused on hers, the deep warmth of her gaze drawing him in. Before he knew what was happening she'd dragged his other arm around her before reaching up to toy with the hairs at the back of his neck. Danny was dumbstruck. He didn't have a clue what was happening. A beat later and she was reaching up on her toes and pulling his head down towards her before her mouth latched onto his in a kiss that in no way could be associated with 'just friends'.

Danny felt the shock of a hundred volts pass through him as she moulded her lips to his, pressing lightly at first before becoming more demanding. He let out a groan and tightened his hold on her before tilting his head in response. He felt her stagger against him so he tightened his grip still further, holding her body closer to him than he'd done in years. Her mouth opened on a gasp and he was lost, his tongue snaking out and tangling with hers, causing the fire in his belly to spread.

"What the hell?"

They jumped apart at the sound of the door crashing against the inner wall and the growl that came from the man now illuminated by the harsh hallway light.

"David . . .," Lindsay began breathlessly, "it's not . . ."

"It's not what?" the usually calm lawyer shouted, causing Lindsay to jump nervously, "Not what it looks like? Because let me tell you my darling fiancé, it looks pretty damning from where we're standing."

For the first time since they'd been interrupted Danny looked beyond the pissed off fiancé to see exactly who the 'we' he had referred to was. His heart plummeted when he saw the shocked face of his girlfriend, flanked on either side by Angell and Stella.

"Shit," he said, taking a step forward, watching as Holly turned suddenly and fled along the corridor almost in slow motion, at least that's how it seemed to him. He caught the poisoned glare that Angell threw at him before she chased after her friend. Hesitating a moment, he looked back at Lindsay who was standing mute, tears streaming down her face as David continued to shout.

He was torn. Stay. Or go. Make sure the mother of his little girl was alright, or chase after the girlfriend who'd been on the receiving end of his betrayal.

"Go!"

He looked from Lindsay to Stella who was by now making her way into the room. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts, his eyes still focused on Lindsay who seemed to be shrinking under the angry tirade being hurled at her.

He felt hands reach up to grasp his face, forcing his gaze to lock with that of the Greek woman in front of him. "Go," she insisted, shaking his head slightly, "you have to make sure Holly is okay, I'll stay with Lindsay, just go."

He forced his body to move, trusting that Stella be true to her word and watch out for Lindsay. He hated leaving her, hated the fact that the normally placid David Harvey was tearing into her. But he left, following an uneven path along the corridor while trying to slow his racing heart and get a handle on what the hell just happened.

88888

"What the fuck did you do?"

Danny groaned at the sound of his best friend cussing him out. He turned and saw the anger etched on Don Flack's features.

"Where is she?" Danny asked.

"Jess took her home," Don replied, "For fuck's sake Messer you're a fucking idiot."

"Alright, alright. I know," Danny said, running his fingers agitatedly through his hair, "I gotta get a cab."

"You sure you wanna do that?"

"I gotta talk to her Don."

"Jess will have yer balls," Flack replied as he stepped towards the doorway with his friend, "she's already told me I aint getting any for a while."

Danny frowned. "What's it got to do with you?"

"I got her to introduce the two of you."

"How's that your fault?"

"I didn't say it was logical Messer," Don said, as he flagged down a cab, leaning over and opening the door as the cab stopped in front of them. "Good luck man," he said, patting Danny's shoulder as the other man got into the cab.

"You're gonna need it," he muttered to himself as he watched the cab pull away.

888888

His jaw hurt like a bitch, Jessica Angell sure had a mean right hook, he hadn't even seen it coming. He turned into his street, having walked the dozen or so blocks from Holly's place. It had been a wonder she'd agreed to see him, even more unbelievable was the fact he'd got past her own personal bodyguard, admittedly he hadn't got past unscathed. He opened his mouth wide and clicked his jaw in an effort to ease some of the discomfort.

"Son of a bitch," he cursed to himself as the ache intensified.

As he hit the bottom step leading to his apartment block he dug deep in his pocket for his keys, looking around him to see that the street was barely buzzing with the thinning night time crowd. As he fumbled to put the key in the lock he heard the unmistakable sound of a sniffle coming somewhere from his right. He peered into the darkness and squinted to see who the sound was coming from and saw the instantly recognizable figure of his friend, his one time love, the mother of his child, hunched over in an attempt to ward off the chill night air.

"Linds?" he called softly as he made his way over to where she sat, head bent, body rigid.

He stepped down and slowly sat on the step beneath her, his eyes level with hers as she finally looked at him.

"What ya doin' sitting here in the dark?" he asked gently.

"I wanted to see you," she said, her voice trembling.

"Why didn't you go up? You have a key."

"I didn't know if you, . . . . if Holly . . ., you know," she said gesturing with her hands.

"She's not here," he said simply, "It's just me."

"I am so sorry," she whispered sincerely, her watery gaze holding his until it became too much and she bent her head to escape the intensity.

"It's okay," he whispered with equal sincerity.

"No, it isn't," she replied, "It was selfish and thoughtless and tonight I hurt a lot of people."

"Montana . . . .,"

"Don't call me that," she said on a rush of air as she battled not to give into the pain that was bubbling inside of her.

"Why not?" he asked with a slight shake of his head, "It's who you are."

"Because it hurts Danny, it hurts so fucking much," she said, pain and anger blurring into one tumultuous emotion that saw her chin wobble in an attempt not to give into it, "Every time you call me that you might as well stick a knife in my chest, that's how much it hurts me."

Danny reeled from her words, shock evident in his expression. It had taken a while for him to start using that name again, he honestly thought she liked it. They'd gone through the whole Ruben and Rikki thing, then their break-up had thrown him into a pit of despair he never thought he'd climb out of. But then, weeks later he found out his child was growing inside of her and she told him they could be friends. At that point he would've accepted anything from her, any meagre offering was better than not having her in his life. It was at her first scan that he'd called her Montana again, and she'd looked at him with such joy in her face that he honest to god thought that she liked it. If he had known it brought her pain he would have stopped.

He reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek. "I never wanted to hurt you Linds," he whispered.

"I know that," she said as she fisted at her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. "I just hate this, ya know?"

"Hate what?" he asked, frowning and shaking his head in confusion.

"I hate that I can't let you go. I wanted so badly to walk away, to never have to see you again."

Danny blanched at her words, pain erupting in his chest at the thought that she could even contemplate something that would take her from him forever.

"Then why didn't you?" he asked harshly.

Lindsay blinked away the remaining tears that filled her eyes, feeling them slowly drop onto her cheeks, chasing the tracks of their predecessors. She shook her head and dragged herself up to her feet.

"I should go," she said simply, refusing to look at him before turning with the intention of making her way back down the steps and out of his vicinity as quickly as possible.

She'd barely taken a half step before she felt her wrist being grabbed in a strong grip that pulled her into him.

"Danny, I need to go, I . . . ."

"Stop!" It was just one word, but it had the affect he'd intended, his tone leaving little room for argument.

Lindsay rested her head briefly against his chest as his hand moved to her shoulders, holding her steady. Her gaze fixed to the ground as her mind tried to control the chaotic thoughts that plagued her.

"Come upstairs," he whispered.

"I don't think, . ." she began, cut off by a deep sigh as he shook her shoulders gently.

Closing her eyes for a second, she gave in and went with her instincts. "Okay," she whispered, "Okay."

888888

He stood silently in the doorway, watching as she paced his living room, her arms wrapped around her body in a comforting gesture. Her makeup was gone, the happy sparkle that had lit her face when he'd first seen her earlier that night had also disappeared. But what remained was the unflinching reality, the endless certainty that she really was the most beautiful sight in his world; on an equal footing with his daughter but without a doubt she was top of Danny Messer's list, always had been, she always would be.

He pushed himself away from his resting spot and stepped towards her, no sign of hesitation. Lindsay looked up at him when he stood in front of her, his hands resting on her shoulders before skimming her neck then gently cupping each side of her face.

"No more," he said simply.

She frowned in confusion at his words but in a blink of an eye, his intention was clear. As his head swooped in towards hers she took in a final shuddering breath, a breath that was taken an instant later as his lips crashed into hers.

She sank into him, all her strength and resolve wilting in the face of his touch. Four years she'd waited, four years of knowing she belonged with him but not knowing how to fight the forces keeping them apart. Forces that only really lived in her mind, which only had the power she'd given them. It was time to take that power back, time to right what had been wrong since he'd taken another woman to his bed.

888888

What do you do when the person who has done the worst to you has also, frequently and completely done the best? That's the thought that ran over and over in her mind as she sat perched on the window ledge in Danny's living room, naked except for the blanket she was wrapped in.

She mindlessly traced her finger through the condensation on the window.

"Waddya doin?"

Danny's sleepy voice penetrated her thoughts. She looked up and stared at his reflection in the glass, then just shrugged before dropping her gaze. She felt him move in behind her, his arms wrapping tightly around her small frame, his breath warm on the side of her face as he dropped a kiss there.

"I fucked up Dan," she whispered, her voice shaking, "I really fucked up."

She felt him tense behind her, his body stilling to the point where it was hard to tell if he was still drawing breath. Then suddenly he moved away. Lindsay felt the loss of his warmth.

"So you're gonna go back," he stated, his voice flat and intentionally devoid of emotion. "I thought you said David was gonna be out of your apartment by tomorrow," his voice rising slightly, "just how do you intent to persuade him that this was some sort of mistake, that he's the one you want? You gonna pass it off as nerves? A last minute fling?"

Lindsay had turned to face him, surprise etched in her features as she watched him pacing, watched the turmoil that was revealed in his expression.

"I don't . . ."

"Four years Linds! Four fucking years I've sat back and settled for wanting you to be happy when all I really wanted was you. You had to have known that, at least on some level."

He turned away quickly and Lindsay thought she could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. Not that he'd ever admit to it. Not now. She scrambled to her feet, realising that now was a time for action, a time to get his attention before any words could hold true meaning.

Danny stood facing the kitchen, his head bent as he tried to take hold of the control that was quickly slipping from his grasp; control that wavered considerably as she wrapped her arms around his middle, pushing her body into his.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I know."

She rested her head against his chest, relaxing only when she felt his hold on her tighten. Of course he knows she loves him. That was never in doubt. Equally, it hadn't been enough.

"When I said I fucked up, I meant four years ago," she said softly into his chest, "and every day since."

The sharp intake of breath was his only reaction to her words.

"Last night I was finally honest with myself."

"But what do you want?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly as he rested his chin on top of her head.

"You," she said simply, "I only want you."

"You have me."

"And you have me."

"Yeah?" he asked, his tone hopeful.

She leaned back and looked into his eyes. "I want to be with you Danny, it's what I've always wanted. I was just too damn stubborn to face it. I want to be with you and Catie, I want more babies, with you."

"And David?" Danny asked, arching his brow.

Lindsay sighed heavily. "He never wants to see me again," she said regretfully, "I really wish I hadn't hurt him."

"Can't be undone," Danny said, his own tone sympathetic.

"And Holly?"

"Jess was more pissed off than Holly was," Danny smiled ruefully, "Holly knew the score, she was happy with the whole friends with benefits thing," he took a deep breath, "she could have done without the humiliation of last night but as she said she'll get over it."

"You were really going to stand back and watch me marry David?" Lindsay asked suddenly.

"If that's what you wanted. If he made you happy. I had no rights to you Linds, I gave up alla that."

Lindsay nodded in understanding as her eyes searched his. "I want you to make me happy."

"I promise to try," he said with a small smile.

"Good," she said as she stretched and dropped a light kiss to his lips.

"I love you," Danny whispered against her mouth before deepening the kiss.


End file.
